Thursday, April 7, 2011


I’ve been looking through The Tutorial lately, and frankly, this kid is a mixed bag when it comes to reliable information. The three rules are mostly solid, except “get up high.” This one is positively ludicrous.

Slender Men go inside houses. Slender Men can traverse stairs. Slender Men can see the difference in height from one floor to another through windows. Slender Men can see people through windows. Slender Men can see people on the Xth floor while on it themselves and still recognize them as human. All of this information can be seen directly in various logs or inferred from the same.

And yet this M kid concludes that Slender Men cannot get you, or at least won’t pursue, if you are high up. Not only that, they cannot comprehend that a mere human could be taller than them. Ridiculous.

And what makes this worse is that M says, repeatedly, that what one thinks of Slender Men becomes reality for them. Most people don’t believe this tale “I have the high ground” automatic safeguard, but he implies it is near ironclad except for human limitations. And maybe I misunderstood his writing, but didn’t a Slender Man get to M while he was sleeping on a rooftop?

But what bothers me most is the insistence of rules upon something one claims to be ever-changing in response to the beliefs of humans. To quote the internet, “head meet desk.”

Don’t get me wrong, M has his heart in the right place, but his thought processes are conflicting and sometimes outright insulting to anyone with a bit of common sense.

To be fair, however, my thinking on Slender Man biology is… unconventional to say the least. But the creature in question is far from conventional itself. I daresay it goes against Earth-based evolution. It dwells in the light but has no eyes. Or at least, has no eyes optimized for the wavelengths most likely to break through the ozone layer and atmosphere in general (the visible spectrum, due to the peak wavelength of the Sun). From this do I think Slender Men are aliens? The answer is a resounding maybe. There is simply not enough information.

But I try to make conclusions based on possibilities allowable by the physics of reality. M, on the other hand, buys into this foolishness that Slender Men are not only the product of the collective consciousness of a million internet dwellers, but also that they are beyond the laws of physics.

I say, for example, Slender Men use wire-like appendages to send electrical impulses into the brain and modify behavior and even a person’s personality. A strange, even ridiculous conclusion, I know. But this is not wholly outside the realm of possibility. Humans do something similar even today, though with less malicious intentions. We can electrically stimulate sections of the mind to cause a person to feel a certain way. Science fiction came to the logical extensions of this long before I did.

What’s more, M seems to say that some of the problems caused by the presence of a Slender Man are that they try to make it fit into our world as we see it. Obviously they aren’t trying very hard, or they, too, buy into this foolishness of extradimensional entities and mentally manifested monsters so much they can’t consider reality as a plausible realm of existence. Don’t be naïve. These creatures live in the universe. Not “our” universe. The. Singular. No other qualifiers necessary. There are no bridges between realities. And if there were, you have to adapt to the new dimension, not the other way around. We only exist as we do because the universe allows creatures like us to exist within its laws. The same goes for Slender Men. Strange as they are, they follow the universe’s rules. To say otherwise is simply to fuel the fear of fairytales.

I’m cutting myself off here. This rant has gone on long enough. I’m going to go cool off.

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